Dec 31, 2011
The Hard Work of Learning to Forgive
Posted by Pastor Todd Murphy in | Comments (0)
Well it is the last day of 2011 and I am sitting here in a Starbucks nursing a warm coffee, working sporadically on my sermon and reflecting on what is behind---what is to come. I suppose there is a litany of reflections I could offer you, but I am just going to talk about one; one thing that we all will run into this coming year. In fact I am positive we will run into it innumerable times in the years to come. That is the opportunity to forgive. If we choose to be in relationship to people (as the Gospel demands) then our toes are gonna be stepped on. It is the risk, the standard occupational hazard of being in relationship to other sinful human beings. It is also the only right thing to do. Tomorrow I am preaching on John 17, Jesus’ high priestly prayer for the Church. To sum it up: that they may be one. Unity. Real relational unity only comes through hard work---the hard work of forgiving those who trespass against us as our heavenly father forgives us (Matt. 6:12).
It is not by accident that this line ended up in the Lord’s prayer; It is not by accident that the earliest Christian communities prayed the Lord’s prayer three times daily. Why? Because nothing could be more basic to the flowering of human relationships in the fallen world. If you want good relationships, those that edify you, build you up, and build up others, you must learn to forgive.
Must we Forgive?
I remember back in college I was taking some kinda freshman “Christian life” class at Liberty University. It is a good school and has come a long way but was a lot more fundamentalistic in the 90’s. In this class we had a teacher who tried to convince us that we only need to forgive those who specifically ask for forgiveness. In other words unless that person asks for forgiveness from you, you have the right to hold it against them. I remember that it did not sit well with most of the class. His reasoning was that God does not forgive anyone who does not repent and ask forgiveness. I an not going to get into his semi-pelagian view of salvation which is a bigger problem and off topic here. All I will say is that this is a recipe for becoming riddled with bitterness. This will ruin you. The Lord’s prayer says nothing about forgiving because others ask for it. I portrays a grave posture of forgiving other unconditionally. The reason for forgiving in the Lord’s prayer is not that they have asked for it; it is not that they have made satisfaction; It is for no other reason than that God forgives us. The basis for forgiving others is that we have been forgiven a greater debt. This is precisely the point in the parable of the unforgiving servant in Matthew 18:21-35. Here Simon Peter asks him how many times one is to forgive their brother/sister for sinning against them. Jesus answer? Seventy times seven! What does that mean? It means to have a radical posture of multiplying forgiveness in the face of multiplying transgressions. It means that where sin abounds, grace much more abounds (rom. 5:20). And so in this parable the servant who owes the king a much greater debt and is forgiven but fails to forgive a brother for a much smaller debt. The King in this parable is God and the servant is us.
So lets come back to the question of God not forgiving the unrepentant. We are going to leave the question of election out of the discussion for now. But when we look at that doctrine, God does in fact forgive first thus brings about repentance in us as a result. As Paul says, it is the kindness and mercy of God that leads us to repentance (Rom. 2:4). Furthermore, God is not equally guilty. There would be no injustice in God refusing to forgive because he is not also a sinner. When I refuse to forgive a person it is inherently self-righteous. No matter what they have done, I have also transgressed God’s commandment. God does not have to forgive any unrepentant person because he never has to ask forgiveness; he has never had to ask forgiveness either because he has never sinned or offended any other person. We need to be careful. In all of our attempts at self justification there is a tendency to bring God down to eye-level with us, to treat him as a peer and not as the immutable God that he is. This itself needs forgiving by him. It is the ultimate sin of audacity.
So How Do We Forgive?
The key to forgiving others of their trespasses is a deep reflection on how we are just as bad as them. We hate the thought of this. We are full of self justification---perverted ways of twisting the truth to make ourselves out to be not as bad as “him.” And so we come up with quacky ways of telling the story: “Well I know I do ________, but at least I don’t do what she does!” We love to allow ourselves a mild form of self-justification where we say “hey I am a sinner too, but at least I did not do that!” Actually this itself is a sin of pride and egotistical lying to ourselves. James is quite clear that if we have offended God’s law in one point, we are guilty of all of it (James 2:11-13).
Here is what we do. There are two basic strategies in self-justification. They are (1) leveling the playing field and (2) the booster box. Let me explain. Leveling the playing field you could think of the as your shield (your defensive weapon) and the booster box as your sword (your offensive weapon). The first is how we cover up minimize our own sin. The classic leveling the playing field phrase is “hey nobody is perfect.” Basically when we are caught or exposed, we call everyone else’ sin to our aid so we do not have to take responsibility. It is like the classic movie.novel escape type scene where the pursued ducks into a crowd to escape. You point to everyone else’ imperfections to not have to deal with your own. In Christian circles I often encounter a spiritualized version of this. When we are called out for our sin we respond with a flippant and un-remorseful admission “Hey I am a sinner.” I encounter this one as a pastor all the time. It is as if we think that since we admit we are a sinner generally that somehow makes it ok. No God is deeply offended, and even more offended that we are taking it so lightly.
The second strategy that I call the booster box is the way we posture ourselves a head above the crowd. You see once we have leveled the playing field and taken the focus off of our own sin, then what we look to do is to stand out again. But not for our sin, but for our righteousness. The phrase I quoted above, “I know I do _______, but at least I do not do what she does,” is the classic booster box strategy. And you see how it employs both. It begins by an admission of general sin and imperfection, but then sets itself up as a head above everyone else. What it does is basically brings everyone else down to our level so nobody is better, then creates some reason that we stand a head above everyone else. Essentially it is an “Animal Farm” self- righteousness: all people are nobody is perfect, but some are still better than others. Here is the big question then. Do we really think God buys this garbage? Do we really think he does not see through such dishonesty? To be sure, when we do this, the only person we are really fooling is ourselves and perhaps a few friends who are equally snow-blinded by their own pride.
Here is the bottom line: You can never truly forgive until you are willing to put yourself in the same category with your offender. As long as you keep playing the games and maintain a distinction between you two in your mind, you will be falsely be claiming the moral high ground. And as long as you cling to the moral high ground, you therefore be unable to forgive. If you really think you are superior, why should you forgive then, right? But here is the point of the Gospel: “there is none righteous, no not one” (Rom. 3:10).
Furthermore, by doing this You will be then watering and fertilizing a root of bitterness that will spring up and defile you, your community, and family. It will destroy you slowly like a canker. Most of all, it will destroy your relationship with God. That is the point of the parable of the unforgiving servant. God offered him unconditional forgiveness, but also expects the equal treatment of our brother. But look at how the parable ends:
Matt. 18:32 Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33 And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ 34 And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt. 35 So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
James follows this when he says in 2:13 “For judgement is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgement.” The point is that withholding other people’s sins is judgement. Refusing to forgive is a refusal to have mercy on another sinner who is as deeply in need of grace as you and I. But forgiving our brother/sister from the heart offers forgiveness and grace for transgressions unconditionally, whether accepted or rejected. Often when our attempt at forgiveness is rejected our tendency is to then get offended. But that is again self-righteous. The radical ethic of Jesus perseveres in forgiving even when it goes unrewarded in this lifetime. This is because our reward is in the next. Again we do not practice the hard work of forgiving because of how good it feels when someone actually repents and says “I’m sorry.” Jesus’ teaching on forgiveness is not so utilitarian. No we practice forgiveness of other for no other reason than that we have been forgiven by God himself. It is the true act of “paying it forward” but with wheels on it.
Looking for a New years resolution? Maybe learning and practicing real forgiveness in the image of Jesus is an option. I can guarantee that you will have plenty of opportunity to practice forgiveness this year. But that is a good thing, because truth be told, you and I are gonna be giving everyone else plenty of opportunities for forgive us this year too. Have merciful New Year!
Posted by Pastor Todd Murphy in | Comments (0)
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