Sacred Journey Church is located in Providence, Rhode Island

Growing up as a child, I was a total nightmare for my parents. I used to love tell them them “no”, manipulate, connive, con and lie to them in order to get what I wanted. Fighting with my older sister was one of my favorite past times and it sometimes went into fist fights. My poor mom and dad were put through the ringer in terms of being tested as parents and I am surprised they didn't sell me off. I told my wife that I never wanted to make the same mistakes my parents made and ensured myself that “it won't be like that with my little Lilly” because I know it all and am way smarter than my parents. I have found this to be untrue because I am 25 and still pretty dumb, naive and inexperienced when it comes to parenting. I am blessed by God to have a great community of stellar moms and dads in my midst who have entire clans of children to show me how to be a gospel centered parent.

I cannot recommend the book Shepherding a Child's Heart enough if you are a parent, want to be a parent or if you are a child of parents. This is one of those books everyone is reading and I can safely say it is one of the most influential things I have read on parenting. Not only is it a great read, but it is full of practical things to help parents be gospel centered with their children.

Discipline: Using the Law

When I was a child, my parents would tell me not to do something and I would directly disobey them or convince them to let me do what they had originally said no to. Once I broke their “law” I was not met with consequence or gospel. Typically I would just get away with it scot free and probably end up doing it again in the near future.

When a child disobeys a parent, they are directly disobeying God who tells children to “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1)” When a child disobeys a parent, the parent has been given the authority to enact correction. Parents who disobey this are also being equally disobedient to God.

My job as a parent is to make sure my daughter obeys what I tell her to do because I have been given the authority and responsibility directly from God. I am like the policeman of her life, and I must discipline her lawlessness. This is done by using law and gospel directly to her heart. Because my daughter is only 15 months old, I can't do everything I am about to describe, but I can do part of it. As she gets older and is able to communicate verbally I will get the honor of practicing these things. I cant speak of this from experience but because I have seen it happen in the hearts of young people around me.

Applying the Law and Gospel to a Wicked Heart

My sweet little angel lilly is about as cute as babies come, but she is also as wicked as they come too. She is young, but she knows when she is doing wrong and cries when she is told no. As she grows, she reminds me more of myself and it scares me. When she sins by being disobedient, I must bring her to the law. The law simply draws a line and shows her what she has done wrong. The simple thing to do would be to stop there and go back to whatever it was that I was doing. The more challenging and time consuming thing to do would be to apply the gospel to her heart. My child cannot obey me perfectly and she will sin against me continually. God did not make children obedient. They are born prone to be sinful and disobedient.

I apply the gospel to her by explaining that she sinned against me, and that I must discipline her because I have been commanded to by God and because I love her. I can then tell her that God hates sin but is also very loving and because he loves us he paid for our sins on the cross. I can use her disobedience to show her that she cannot obey me no matter how hard she tries. This will show her that she is evil and needs the gospel.

“Only the power of the gospel can give a willing heart and the strength to obey.” - Ted Trip from Shepherding a Child's Heart

Stacking Kindling in Hopes of a Flame

Coming from a reformed background I believe that I can share the gospel with people but no matter how much I love them and demonstrate the gospel to them only God can change their hearts. God must light the flame in the heart of my daughter to help her desire the grace she needs to obey me. No matter how much law I give her she will never obey me out of a love for God until he changes her heart.

God has called us to stack kindling near the hearts of people around us. We do not have the matches, but we do have a ton of dry wood all around us and gallons of Gas. I stack kindling around my daughter by disciplining her and sharing with her the gospel of Jesus. I also stack kindling by repenting to her when I fail and discipline her out of anger or am short with my tongue. She will see the gospel being proclaimed in my life not only by my sharing of it with her when she sins but also when I repent to her when I fail. Repentance is an extremely powerful and sadly an underused expression of the gospel in parenting.

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